I’m no stranger to heartbreak.
At a young age I found myself face to face with my worst nightmares- things I could never have control over nor successfully avoid. Everyone I loved was suffering greatly. And although I had some major setbacks and handicaps of a sort as a result of this, it hurt my heart to see them in such disarray even more so. These location of hurt loved ones is probably the softest spot in my heart. The most vulnerable- my pain point.
Recently I wrote a poem recently that illustrated a portion but a very raw expression of my pain points and how I feel. You can read it, here.
Honestly, I don’t have a resolution or a solution to these problems. I hope for a solution someday, somewhere down the road, but I don’t know when or where that will lead me. It’s uncertainty and the unknown that mess me up a little bit with these things. When is it ever going to end? Is everything really going to be okay?
Well…I don’t know for sure. I can’t see the future. And okay to me may not be what okay means to God. I want rainbows and sunshine, but He may lead my life to be cloudy days with a bit of sunshine here and there peaking through the grey clouds.
And, you know what? I’m not always okay with that. Sometimes I really want what I want. I want things to just go away sometimes. Poof gone, nowhere to be found, no traces, nada. Nothing to linger, nothing to remain. I just want a brand new start. Almost like a video game.
And although that sounds oh so good, I know it isn’t what’s best for me.
Cue the *collective murmurs of confusion*.
Yeah, I literally said that. I literally said that my trials, my heartbreak, the one thing that brought the most painful complexity to my young life, is what’s best for me.
I’m telling you guys this now while I am still having a clear head. I really do believe that this is good for me. Why?
There are several reasons and I’ll list them out for you:
- I am becoming more and more resilient
- I pick myself back up despite setbacks because I just know that it will be okay in the end
- I’m learning to have hope despite my sometimes grim present
- I am learning to keep. moving. forward.
- My relationship with God is strengthening, not weakening
- I pray a lot more and strive to worry less
- I’m realizing just how liberating it feels to trust in God and let go of what I can’t control or what I tried my best on
- I am using this trial to be closer to Him. Just imagine what good choices I can make with future decisions?
- I’m learning to have faith and trust in people, again, too
- Giving people the benefit of the doubt is an expression of love and I try to do that daily
- Nothing makes me feel happier than seeing someone light up when you tell you, “I trust you, I appreciate you, I love you.”
- I have been leaning on new and old friends and it is extremely comforting
So, yeah. I have a few reasons off the top of my head that testify to me that God is in the details, but this is not all. I’m learning and relearning everyday.
Sometimes they’re lessons that I would rather avoid and not think about ever again. Sometimes they’re lessons that I really, really needed to learn; the ones that even bring me to tears at the thought of the tender mercy and love of the Lord to teach me that.
If there is one piece of advice I have for you heartbroken, broken, and struggling friends, it’s to have an open mind and an open heart. Your God and and your loved ones can’t touch your heart if it’s closed off and can’t inspire your mind if the blinds are shut. Open up. It’s vulnerability but vulnerability is good. It’s healing. It’s confidence.
I know that someday everything will be okay.
“No fim, tudo dá certo. Se não deu, ainda não chegou ao fim.”
“In the end, everything works out. If it didn’t, it’s not over yet.”— Paulo Coelho
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